I’m not afraid to die, I’m afraid to not live

I’m not afraid to die, because i will just don’t know on the moment and after i can’t think and live anymore so i will just have no consciouness of what happening to me, because i’m dead.

The thing that scares me is to not live, to not live enough, to just don’t do everything i wanted to do, to don’t experiment life, i want to do everything, i want to try everything, i want to see every places in the world, because i don’t have 2 lifes, like “ohhh that’s ok, this life i’m gonna half live it, because the other i know i’m gonna to better, i’m gonna travel, i’m gonna focus on what i love doing every day, but this life now ? Noooo i’m going to work 8-9hours a day and going home at night watching tv, waiting the entire week for the week-end, and the week-end being stressed because it’s almost monday, just waiting for death, for me this scares me more than dying. 

Not doing what I want every day, not having fun every day, not having good conversation, meeting new people, see new things, being creative. Not exploring the world for me it’s like dying ! 

When a day happens and i didn’t do everything i want, or i do something i don’t want “for money”, i feel like i’m really dying, and i feel really sad and depressed. Because for me my life is not like in 2 months i’m gonna do this or that, or if i do it finally maybe i could have that. For me my life is ok what i want to do today ?? Because today is the only day that we have, this is only day who is real, like nooooooooow !!

And when i spend hours not doing what i want or doing something boring, i feel like i just waste my time, i don’t want to do stuff, and work like a machine to have the life i want in 10, 5 years, i don’t know if i will be alive in 5 years, or in 2 months, the only thing i know it’s now, today, i’m alive so, what can i do of this beautiful day ? 

We are all here thinking we have aaaaaall the time to do the things we want, we plan thing in two years, 10 years, or 6 months, but we don’t know if we are going to be still alive !

So why are we planning stuff ? if someone tells you, you will die tomorrow,  what your day look like ? Do you stay at your office, siting in front of your computer or maybe you go outside and just enjoy the sun on your face ? 

For me money is not enough to waste my time not doing what i want, and sometimes i have to do it because for the moment i find no solution, but every second i’m like but what are you doing here ????  And after this i try everything to not do this for a long period of time. Because sometimes it’s part of the process to do something like this, because after you hate it that much that you just move your ass to have what you want. 

When I eat i saw a girl in the office siting in front of a computer, last time she fall asleep, but every day she’s here, and i saw her, and i think “waouw i’m lucky to not have this life” but first thing, i’m not lucky, i just choose to have the life i want, and the second thing makes me sad to see that most of the people on this planet do the same thing than this girl. 

And aaaaaa, just i don’t understand whyyy, and don’t tell me that you have no choice, no one is here with a knife under your throat every morning telling you to go to this job, and doing this your entire life. You can choose to have this job for a short time and trying to do what you want beside it, to take time, etc. But doing this your entire life and just not doing anything to get out of this shitty job, this is a choice, you choose to study something you don’t like that much instead of going surfing in spain, you choose to have a job that  you don’t like and don’t do anything beside it. YOU CHOOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIIIIIIIFE !!!!

PUTAIIIIN ARRRRGH, just seeing people not doing what they want makes me aaargh, this is not the real life !!!

The real life is not doing a thing that you don’t love every day !

After you will die and you don’t know when, maybe tomorrow and lucky you ! so you will not have to spend 30 years of your life doing a thing that you don’t like. But if you stay 50 years here on earth, you gonna spend them doing the same thing every sigle day ? The same thing to have the same amount of money every month, and to have a bit of rest 2 days a week, and a month a year JUST WHAAAAAAAAATTTT ?????


The real life is doing what you want every day, enjoy every day on earth, trying everything, meeting people, discovering the world i don’t know, just doing what YOU want to do whatever is it. 

YOU WILL DIIIIIIIIIIE !!! Like are you aware of this ?! Sure you are. 

But dying it’s ok you’re not going to notice it, but not living, this you can notice it ! And you can see it now !

Are you living the life you want today ? Are you doing something to live the life you want today ? Are you living today or just surviving, just waiting for days, and week, months and years, just waiting for your money every month, waiting to death.

Jesu I just don’t understand, sometimes we just don’t try because we are scared of something, we care about other people judgment, but we are not sacred of the fact that if we spend all of our time not doing what we want, we’re just going to die without even trying to do what we wanted. Because of stupid excuses.

What scares you the most ? People’s opinion, or dying without doing things for you, dying without living the life you want ?

And we wait, we wait for tomorrow, the next week, the end of our year of study, the end of this job who has no end, we are always waiting for something. But the only thing that exist is now, today, like noooooow ! 

So my question is, why are you here on instagram, facebook instead of doing what you want ? Thank you for reading me, that’s nice, but i don’t write for this. If you see this and after you just continue scrolling to forget that maybe you have something better to do than that, that will mean that i write for nothing, and that you just don’t understand that the big issue in your life isn’t dying but not living ! 

I don’t know what else to say, if you are scared, fine, you are like everyone, and everyone has to deal with those stupid thought who try to stop you from doing what you want, you are like everyone in earth WELCOME ! But being scared is not an excuses, you’re scared so what ?! What’s next ?! ok, ok you scared so don’t live your life, if it’s ok for you, what do you want me to say ?! You decide if being scared is enought to not do what you want, and if it is, ok have a nice life scrolling and watching TV to forget that you’re not living the life you want because you were waiting for “tomorrow” every single day of your life.

Just arrrrgh, it’s ok to be scared but it’s not an excuse, do what you want, and stop waiting for “tomorrow” because tomorrow it’s the fucking same day !!!!


You are waiting for something maybe ? Maybe you’re waiting for the magic ticket to now live the life you want easily, without being scared, without doubting every day, without working for it, without crying because you think this not gonna work, because sometimes you’re tired, angry, sad, broke, sooooo you will wait. You will wait and see every people around you, working, struggling, being scared but still trying, and trying, every day, and after you will look at them like “they are succesful, but it’s not for me, they are lucky, they have balls, blablabla”, they just choose and decide that today, they going to work for the life they want, even if it’s take time, even if they failed a hundred time, because it’s more important to try to have the life you want instead of just waiting for death and doing nothing.

You can start by just deciding, decide that ok i’m not waiting for tomorrow, i’m doing this now, i’m taking the decision now.

You don’t have time.

You want to do something so, MOVE YOUR ASS !!!!!

Maybe in 2 months you will die, so try just to see what is like to enjoy life, and doing what you want.

I think that all for now. PLEAAAAASE DON’T SCROLL INSTAGRAM AFTER THIS ! Or do it, do the fuck you want, but scrooling instagram is like waiting for death.

I don’t want like or stuff, just share it with people ! 🙂