Thank you to my sister for this metaphor – @Julietteterzic
When you are in a relationship, or you meet someone and you feel really good with this person, you start forgeting yourself.
You say yes to hang out even if you have planned something, or even if you were a bit tired.
You say yes to everything because you think if you say no, and you choose you, you think you gonna miss something, or he/she is going to forget you, or be mad at you, or any reason possible on earth to say yes.
Because you think you’re not important enough, like “me it’s okay” if i don’t work on my project today, or it’s okay if i don’t see my friends tonight because there is something better. Someone gives you love, affection, carry for you, and you feel good, you don’t want to miss anything.
But step by step by following this way of thinking you forget yourself, things that you always wanted to do, places you wanted to go, things you wanted to say, to try, but you don’t do those things, because you worry about what the other person is going to say, think, do, if you do it. So you just don’t even think about you and what you want.
You just say yes to everything.
And it’s not bad or something, like, you like being with someone so you want to be every second with this person and that’s ok.
The thing is and now the metaphor can come, the thing is don’t forget that you are the cake, you are your own source of hapiness first, don’t forget that you are the most important person of your life, don’t forget that you do things for you first and every other thing, person are in addition, they are the cherries.
You can be happy with the cake and have the cherry on top, but if you only have the cherry without the cake, you will be sad and hungry. Something is missing. Like imagine the scene just having a cherry you would be like “oh ! what a nice little lonely cherry for my birthday waouw i didn’t expected that much thank you guys !” That’s sad lel !
But if you have a really good cake you don’t mind about the cherry. And being in relationship feels like we think that the other person is the cake, he/she is the only/main source of our hapiness.
So we are scared that this person leave us, or we care a lot about what he’s thinking, what he’s doing or not doing, we want this person to love us, understand us, being here when we feel sad, unmotivated.
And if he/she don’t, we feel sad, lonely, lost, we think that the problem is us, or just the other person do not love us enough.
That’s why we have to remind us that we are the cake !!!
Hapiness comes first from ourselves and everything else is in addition. We don’t need the cherry, but it’s nice when it’s here, but if the cherry is not there it’s ok.
I don’t know if in english there’s an expression for this but in french people are saying “trouver sa moitié”, like finding the half part of you, your soulmate, finding the person that’s going to complete you as a human. So if you don’t find this person that means that you’re not a complete human ?, that you can’t be happy just by yourself, you need someone else to make you feel good, happy, loved, etc.
And gnéééé just argh ! I found this expression stupid, but the thing is you hear it since you’re a child so it’s in your head even if you don’t pay attention to it. You think you have to be with someone to feel happy. You think that you have to be loved by someone else to love yourself. So you start thinking that you are not the cake, that you need this person to be happy in your life, to feel loved, and to deal with your problems.
But you are your own source of hapiness, of love, you don’t need someone else to feel good, to feel pretty, to feel like a completed human. You just need you. Other people, other things are just cherries. You are the big and really good cake !
I have this sentence in mind “take it or leave it”, and this is the thing, like you can’t love everyone and be loved by everyone, so if you don’t love someone you don’t have to try to change her/him, you just have to move. And if someone doesn’t love you as much as you want to be loved that’s ok too, there’s some people who don’t like cherries and no one force them to love it, that’s the same with human, and that’s why we have to be our own cake, our own source of hapiness. Just have this in mind
don’t know if this metaphor makes sense in your mind, for me it does.
and it works when people gives you advice too, you can hear them but you are the only one to have the answer, the answer is inside of you, and whatever people can say about what you want to do, what you should do, you know better than them because you know you, and other people just see a part of you even if they are really close to you.
YOU ARE THE FUCKIN CAAAAAKE HONEY !!!!
Bye 🙂
Written on june 24